I’ve been in the business of transformation for a long while now. Whether on social media or in real life, I serve to inspire, guide and coach my clients to better health, wellness and success.

But here’s some radical (ok maybe not that radical) authenticity…lately I’ve not been the type of leader I respect, one who leads from the front.

The last year and half has been riddled with injuries resulting from a car accident then a couple of pretty bad MTB crashes which led me to defer any race goals I had this year. Yes, everyone gave me a “hall pass” to ease up on my race calendar and my own personal fitness but then I’d discover stories of folks in much dire circumstances really determined and focused on their goals. And that feeling of dis-ease would linger in my gut.

They say the way you do anything is the way you do everything. I’m a firm believer in that. I started questioning everything because I found myself struggling with motivation. I value integrity more than anything and somehow my life was just not adding up.

I preach and teach health and wellness and sure, I’m doing “ok”, but am I really striving for my full potential? I struggle through periods of self pity, self sabotage and the self destructive “comfort” feedings. I felt hypocritical when I told people that I, indeed, was a fitness professional.

Oftentimes, the nature of social media has us projecting our best selves, filtered and incomplete. It’s easy to start believing that persona and putting off the actual work that is required to keep progressing. One can easily get mired in reliving past victories and accomplishments and propping up the fragile ego and in essence, stopping our evolution.

If you were inside my head, you’d often hear, “If I did the workouts I put my clients through, wow, I’d REALLY be a beast!”

So what’s stopped me from taking the actions I know are required to achieve my goals? I’ve only come up with fear of loss. I’ve won and lost and have always gotten up but each time, I am a bit wearier, and bit more fearful of suffering again.

But no hardship will ever change my mind that a life should be fully lived which also means enduring the tough storms with patience and belief. Embracing the suck, so to speak, and showing up to train anyhow.

My personal goal is to walk my walk…

to lead from the front again…

to show up every day ready to give it my all…

to run/ride my races trained…

to inspire all of you to do the same, whatever your race may be…