The other day, Facebook suggested I use the new dating feature to find me some love. I mean…I don’t even have my single relationship status public but I guess they see it all anyway. And why do they assume I even need or want love…what, just because I’m single? 😂
As a fitness professional, health is a topic that is always in the forefront for me. So it got me to thinking, “Is love required for radiant health?”, which then led me to asking several questions many of you have most likely asked yourselves before.
“Do we actually ‘need’ love from another?” The Beatles seem to believe that all we need is love.
“What is love?”, Haddaway sing-questions. Also, all this time, I thought it was Hard-away. And who is thinking about a Night at the Roxbury? You’re welcome. 🤣
“Are there actually different kinds of love? Brotherly, romantic, familial…or is sexual attraction what makes the difference and not the love itself?”
One of my personal favorite sex/love questions to ponder is the ole Harry Met Sally “Can (straight) men and (straight) women be friends?” You know, completely platonic with the additional assumption that both are not unattractive. *I’m mostly a “no” on this. But we can discuss.
I’ve not been very successful in the romantic relationship department but not for lack of trying. Throwing caution to the wind was a regular practice under the guise of my “hopeless romantic” persona. But that was wrong. I allowed a lot of terrible garbage into my life in the name of (fake) love.
I still am romantic but I have come to define it very differently after much suffering, soul-searching, personal development “work”, and running ultramarathons. True romance is not hopeless, nor should it be hurtful. Hopeful romantic is better sounding to me! I still believe there are soulmates out there for everyone. Probably several. Which is good, right? How hard could it be to find one? 😭😂
Before I digress even more, ya ready for some answers?
Disclaimer: I am in no way suggesting these are *the* answers or the *right* answers or even that you ought to think like I do, so don’t get all judgy and uptight with me, please. 😂
What is Love?
Love begins as a mutual affinity shared between two or more sentient beings. (I mean, who am I to exclude pets and aliens?) Mutuality is required. Otherwise, that’s called stalking and it’s not healthy. 🤣
From these humble beginnings, the foundation for love is either built and strengthened or it is damaged. That foundation is trust.
Am I safe with you? Are you safe with me? It’s why Haddaway keeps pleading, “Baby, don’t hurt me…don’t hurt me…no more.” It absolutely sucks to be in any relationship, whether romantic, platonic, work, etc., when there is doubt about whether your partner and/or teammates have your back.
It’s also why many folks opt to be alone. No one actually wants to be hurt. Not even those dudes that pay dominatrices to humiliate them whilst cleaning their mistress’ dirty dishes with a ball gag thing in their mouths. Because they know EXACTLY what to expect and there is a safety in that.
Love relationships without sexual attraction tend to be much easier to navigate. Don’t be a big flake or a frenemy and your platonic relationships usually thrive without much ado. So why does the sex thing complicate matters?
I believe that answer lies in the stories that we’ve been told, that we believe and continue to proliferate about sex. Sexual relations is relatively straightforward to define. Well, unless you’re Clinton. 😂 It’s a physical conjoining of genitalia with genitalia or with other orifices/digits from which friction is produced resulting in orgasm and ejaculation (hopefully for both partners) which could possibly impregnate ensuring the survival of the species. Everything else about the act is a story, an emotional narrative that may or may not include judgment, guilt, and shame. I wonder if bunnies feel guilty or shameful? 🐇❤️🐇
Pro tip: You are the master of your stories. You can rewrite them any time. You also don’t need to accept anyone else’s stories as truth. But there are social mores that carry consequences so don’t be gettin’ all delusional and sociopathic. Balance in all things.
Oh man, I’m going to have to write a piece on marriage as well too. Later though.
So are there different kinds of love? I think not. Love is love. It’s an affinity between beings. It’s an affinity between your own cells. Are they healthy and simpatico? Maybe that’s where self love starts? It definitely manifests there. Understanding that I don’t have to actually connect the mind, body, spirit/soul has been transformative for me.
I have spent much of my life trying to compartmentalize and organize to keep things tidy. Then one day, I realized I was actually attempting to disconnect the various aspects of my being and life to make it seem more manageable to my ego.
Once I accepted that disconnecting any one part from another is futile, moving through life fully connected to myself and others became a bit easier and guess what?
I realized that true unconditional love for myself and others is all I need. Ding ding ding! The Beatles were right. And Yoko didn’t ruin everything. 😂❤️